Sunday, April 29, 2012

My Father

I wanted to write a bit about my father for a long time but I didn't have time or may be I was stupid and kind of messed up last 2 months in my life. I would say thats the worst part in my life up to now. Reason why I wanted to write about my father was, he left everyone of us alone on 28th of February 2012.. I was fortunate to see him live, his eyes open, his hands moving few hours before he passed away.
 My father is one of the most generous people I have seen in my life, he would sacrifice anything for a good person when they need his help. He would stop his job and come and help when people need his help with a good heart... Whenever he get to know good things about someone he would always share the happiness with them...I still remember my father once told me he stayed with his father at the hospital for 3 months, he quite from his job and stayed at the hospital with his Dad to help him out... I'm sorry that I couldn't help you much.... but I promise I really wanted to do that...  I have never seen jealous feelings with my father. he always wanted to share the happiness with the people around him. He would advice people with a good heart and always be happy about it...Though my father couldn't be a financially stable person he had most of the good qualities one can have... I am always proud about you thaththa..... I really want to have all of them with me.... I promise I will try my best to help out people, like the way you did !!! His life wasn't an odd one which is just taking care of the wife and kids.. he always had his attention to his relatives, friends, neighbors.
   I know how much hard time he had because of his kids, how much he struggled to earn money for our studies, I have seen immense pressure man can have to raise his kids in my fathers eyes. I don't think I can forget the day that I failed grade 5 exam and at the same day he screwed up with my uncle and he came to me and said .. lets go back to his place and go to a school there....(It did not happen though).. I'm sorry thaththa that I did the test bad and made you unhappy..... But I am glad that I was able to make him happy almost all the exams I took after that ... I know you are always proud about your kids.... I promise you that I'll take care of everyone in our family on behalf of you... I know you knew that I'm gonna do that... I do remember the day I called you very last..... you were not good on that day .... I still hear your voice in my ears....You are always with me thaththa....!

    Seriously I still cannot believe this..... that I can't call my dad and ask something... get some advice.... Ohhh Seriously ... you left me alone ? I keep thinking about my dad every single day after he passed away... when I take the bus 6 or when I walk down to work or when I sit and write some code or when I do my workout... Still I am trying to live without you thaththa .... You know how much I love you, I'm still crying thaththa...even now I'm crying ... why did you do this.... ???? I'm sorry I hardly showed you how much I loved you ... You know I'm a big time hugger(only at home) but I hardly hugged you.  Today I regret that I didn't show my love to my father when he is alive... Please .. anyone who reads this .. if you love someone let them know that you love them when they are alive...Seriously I want you to come back ... but I know you are not gonna come back again.... You made me strong to live my life alone in this world.. I'm so proud of myself to be the son of you !!!! I want to be your son every time I born.. You are the best Dad ever ..... !!!!! Thaththa I love you so much !!